I had my first born at 16 years old. At the time, I had no clue what motherhood was, or just how grateful J would be for my own mother . At 16, I was a spoiled daddy’s girl who had no clue about the real world...but also at 16 I became a mom. I can honestly say parenting is just one of those things you pray, wing it, and do your best to create a human being that is better than you and doesn’t have to go through life being a social outcast, psychopath, or the village idiot. Let’s be honest, as a single parent our main focus is to be able to say we raised a responsible adult who has things a little more figured out than we did. Recently, some events transpired between myself and my oldest daughter that made me question my parenting, my sanity, and my relationship withGod. As with any parent, it’s hard to accept when our children seem to grow up too fast or make choices we know aren’t the best for them. In the blink of an eye, my little girl became the 18 year old that her age boldly announced through her “ I’’m Grown” actions. and my role as a parent seemed more like a Lifetime Movie. Everything I tried to shield her from was becoming her life exoeriences. So what did I do? I did what any other black mom would do...I lost it and hit her with the, “ If you can’t respect me or my house then leave.” And so she left. My 18 year old baby left. For any black mom who had a teenage daughter rebelling we automatically think about this: This scene from Imitations Of Life. Thats how I felt. My daughter would miss me when I was gone. It was at that moment I became a mother. It was also at that moment I truly understood my own mother.
As a mother it’s instilled in us to protect our young, provide for them, nurture them, and train them. It is also the job of a mother to be able to let them go experience life and still love them unconditionally despite the decisions that they make that we may not agree with. I truly understand now being a mom is the biggest blessing, mystery, and challenge. I am extremely thankful and blessed for my own mom who was always there even when I gave her hell is an understatement. I wish I could explain how my heart feels...but I can’t. My first born left the nest and it wasn’t the ideal circumstances. I felt like a piece of me had deteriorated. The first two days, I honestly felt like I was going to die...but then I prayed. I knew I had done everything I could to prepare her for the world. I knew she had a great support system that also loves her, I knew that she had never been in any harm or lashing out because of some underlying emotional issues, but I also know that God would protect her from danger but give her a testimony. The same way He had done with me. It’s hard... it is really hard for a mother. Some days I feel like a part of me is missing...like one of my hands have been cut off, but then I look at my other babies and my husband and realize there are still other people who need me and I think to myself ...I have to learn how to be ambidextrous. So I am at peace. Baby girl leave the nest and soar. I hope that when you face choices it’s like what you see on television... you have the good angel and bad angel on each shoulder, but you also hear my voice....I raised you right. So fly my beautiful baby bird.
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